how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
