I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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