great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
