I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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