I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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