She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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