I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
