i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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