Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize