I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
