I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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