In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
