We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
