i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Houston, we have a blender
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
