at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
