Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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