i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
