I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize