after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
