Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
