You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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