Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
