I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
