I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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