you guys were way drunker than both of me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
