I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I think I just sharted jello shots
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
