the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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