around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Randomize
