The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
