you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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