Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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