Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
We are two peas in an std pod
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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