she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
