youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize