I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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