i need an iv and a liver transplant
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize