I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize