Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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