I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
