Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
