you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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