do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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