i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
