im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
