hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
