trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
