you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
