this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
