wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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