Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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