have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
