The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
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