need another drink. this is the easiest way
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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