He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
