i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize