I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
