Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
