I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
