Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
