He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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