Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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