then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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