If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
