i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
