I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
