All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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