If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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