I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
