We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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